Hello. Xanga....sad.Very.So...I am here to tell you something.I dont know what but I am here and that counts for something.Yes? So my life...has been pretty good so far.And now I finally feel so...so relieved of so many things.Yet the thought of losing some things just keep crossing my mind.What if?I know you cant live your life like that..but you always wonder.I feel that it sometimes keeps me from taking things for granted...or seeing the light in things.As in what is good for me...and what isnt.I have lost a lot of people that meant so much to me and I am ok.You always will be by the grace of God but I think of my life without some people...and how much it would hurt.So even though I know no one will read this...I will go ahead and say what I am thankful for..or who I should say. To start off I wanna thank those of my past.Like Rachel...I have so many memories with her...and I love that girl to death...but things do change and we arent close anymore.Same with Eli.The boy of my childhood.One that would have been so utterly horrible without him. My father.He talks to me.Sees me as an mature young lady.And is always there for me.Without him...life would definitely not be right without my dad.He has been there when no one was.Not my friends.My family.No one.And I owe him a thank you among many things. My mother.I have had so many hard times with her.and we dont always see eye to eye.But she has taught me some lessons in life.That life isnt always fair.Nothing ever goes as planned.Its sometimes better or worse.And even though something seems horrible at first...it may be an opening for something great. My best friend Sarah.This girl has not once left my side.She is like my other half.Irreplacable you could say.She knows how I feel before I speak.She knows how to make me laugh when its the last thing I wanna do.And most of all she has never betrayed me or broken a promise she made.And thats a friendship that will last. Elliott,my only.He has broken my heart and showed me that even though you trust someone it doesnt keep them from messing up.He has shown me that this world can not be trusted at all but that forgiveness is possible...but never to forget.But most of all he has shown me love.He showed me a love that I have never known before.Truth.He has made me see myself for what I am and stop and think.I do not write so much about him because he is my boyfriend...but because he has influenced me in so many ways.He is a true diamond in the rough that if someone had ever taken the time to closely examine...they would have found what I see in him.And thats an indescribable sparkle.Without him...I would still be very naive.I would not know love or true pain.And without him I'd have to find a guy that could make me as comfortable in my own skin as he does. My sisters.Both have been there for me...and not because they had to.Because they wanted to be.Because they were my friends.We are friends before we are sisters.There is no obligation...there is only a understood truth. Well thats about it.Ha.Short list I know...but...thats life. Things in my life are just ok.Elliott is amazing still.This time...I feel like...we are real..and not just me.Him too.I could find no other guy that would let me be me the way he does.No other guy would let me blow in his mouth or talk to where I'd echo.Or play with his teeth and laugh or just hold me the way he does.No other guy has those cute little freckles he has on his shoulders and the few on his cheeks.The kind you have to look closely to see.No guy could know me like he does...or laugh at the things we laugh about.No guy could ever take the place of him.Even if he called me tomorrow and said it was over no guy would ever be able to be the way he was.I am young and naive but no one said you couldnt know love when naive.So Im writing down this so that one day when I am older and he isnt mine I can remember the amazing feeling he gave me.I can remember my first love.And though this is a lil cheesy...it will be ok.Sometimes you have to write it down...so you will never forget. Teedle peep, Sam | 
